Playing Nice with the Boys

When I was in first grade, I kicked Stevie in the balls because I caught him looking up my skirt at recess. I was sent to sister Rose Mary’s office, but Stevie never bothered me again. I figured detention was a small price to pay for the preservation of my dignity. My opinion of boys, as second class citizens did not change until late elementary when I met cutest boy in the entire world. Will quickly became the center of my fourth grade universe, and while I knew kicking him in the balls was the wrong approach, the right one was not self-evident. I had seen something on the discovery channel about how predators imitate their prey to lure them in, so I asked for a Nike wind suite for Christmas (the exact same one Will wore every day). I also learned to burp the alphabet and drink milk through my nose. Unfortunately, my new strategy had the same effect as kicking Stevie in the balls, I sent that boy running.

I like to think that with age, I have slightly improved my interactions with the opposite sex, but sometimes I am not so sure. Yes, I have packed away my wind suites and I resist the temptation to do amusing things with my food when out to lunch with clients, but entering the business world has given way to an entire new set of challenges. What are the unspoken rules? Should emotion, sexuality, humor, passion, and the like, be left at the door or can they be subtly leveraged? When I act coy am I flirting or being myself? And if I am feminine will I be taken seriously? To what extent am I expected to change my ways? And will it compromise the respect I gain if I do not?

And then there is this whole issue of sports, which inevitably comes up far too often. As soon as an after work drink is served, football or basketball becomes the focus of the conversation. I have developed an incredible capacity to appear interested in the dullest of conversations. Perhaps I should add “smiling and nodding” to my resume. Does this mean I am less genuine or merely taking the necessary measures to develop my professional network? I’m just waiting for the day when I can invite a partner to go to Yoga instead of golfing.

As a gender studies major, the differences (or lack there of) between men and women were always a heated topic of conversation. In my opinion, whether cultural, genetic or whatever you want to attribute it to, men and women, are in some ways different. But now that I am the communication lead for the Women’s Interest Group in my office, for the first time, I find myself tongue-tied. Never has this issue been seemed so sensitive. There are some who feel that by suggesting there is any difference, we are exacerbating, perhaps even creating a circumstances to perpetuate inequality. These individuals believe that there is no need in this day and age for a Women’s Interest Group. But I personally, am not ready to endorse the idea that all is fair on the play ground. There might not be a glass ceilings, but there are certainly days when corporate America feels like a glass house, so no, I am not going to let my hair down and dance. There are rules, expectations, preferences, cultural norms, and while many of these can be bent or manipulated, for the first time I find it necessary stay cognizant of the way I react, make my points, and share my opinions. I will get a lot more than a trip to sister Rose Mary’s office if I don’t start playing nice with the boys.